You Had A Kid; You Didn’t Cure Cancer Or Establish World Peace – moved

You Had A Kid; You Didn’t Cure Cancer Or Establish World Peace – moved

Yeah, that’s right; you did what every single warm-blooded human being on this planet has been doing (or trying to do) since they discovered that their genitals (and buttholes, for the more adventurous) can be used for more than expelling waste… You had sex; only this time around, you were trying to get pregnant, as opposed to avoiding it like I avoid the fat girl eyeing me from across the bar as if I’m a human doughnut.


you were trying to get pregnant, as opposed to avoiding it like I avoid the fat girl eyeing me from across the bar as if I’m a human doughnut.


That said, stop acting as if your impregnation and subsequent birth are on the same level as the second coming of Christ. (Anyone see that crazy missile/alien/meteor thing the other night? I digress…) In your world, I understand they are. Having a child is a big freakin’ deal; it’s why I don’t have one of my own. But when you broadcast it to the world via the Interwebs ­– and I mean every little detail from your dilation in centimeters (I shit you not, I read that just the other day) to the length of your baby’s “wee-wee” upon escaping your wretched womb (thanks, Seth MacFarlane and “Stewie”) – it takes what should be a beautiful moment (yeah, life is a fucking miracle when you ponder it), and both belittles its significance and irks the shit out of all your friends (both real and Facebook-ey).


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COMMENTS

WORDPRESS: 12
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    This is how one weens out the herd of facebook friends. If they just got engaged, just got married, just had a kid, love Jesus or starred in any version of “The Shores” – delete the cunts.

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    Yes, that’s what Facebook is all about isn’t it? Specifically designed for those who cured cancer and created world peace. No room for anyone else. So unless you are an absolute genius we don’t want to hear from you. Mind you, if you’re an absolute genius, why the heck are you on Facebook? Kind of defeats the whole point of this message, doesn’t it? The people you are trying to appeal to aren’t listening. I bet you feel really stupid right now.

    • comment-avatar
      Jeff 8 years

      Not as stupid as I feel for taking 10 seconds and reading that pig excrement you call a post.

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    Amandax 8 years

    Maybe her child wont start banging hookers/fuckboys… maybe it will day at age 10.

    (what have I become….)

  • comment-avatar
    Nevicar 8 years

    *clicks on dropdown menu*
    *clicks, i dont want to see this*

    no wait thats too easy

    *shitposts on the internet in an autistic blog*

    kill yourself

  • comment-avatar
    Fred 8 years

    Love the butthurt responses here. Hit a little too close to home?

  • comment-avatar
    John 8 years

    After reading the article and the comments – I side with the author. I agree that while it’s a big deal to the parents (usually) it’s one thing to announce, but I don’t need daily updates. Treat them like weddings – you post the engagement, possible venues but typically the next posts are right before during or after the event…not every day or week leading up to it. Facebook is their for people to connect – I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a minute by minute update for everyone in the free world. That’s what Twitter is for.

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    GOAWAYKIM 8 years

    Isn’t writing this post looking for attention?

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    Katelyn warner 8 years

    This is SO funny. ❤️

  • comment-avatar
    Aaron 8 years

    I need to poo but I don’t want to get up. Should I just do it here? Fuck it, I’m doing it; it’s already halfway out.

    • comment-avatar

      Did you finish? Feeling okay now? Please let us know, we’re all worried

  • DISQUS: 0