My name is Chelsea Heil, and you best believe I’m a fuckin’ lady. I’ve always had an offensive sense of humor, so naturally, what these tasteless gents are doing is something I can get behind (pun probably intended). Perhaps it’s because I grew up in the country, shooting guns & learning to cuss like my father in the oilfield, or maybe it’s because I drink too much whiskey. But now, at age 28, my tastelessness is at an all-time high. I was absolutely honored when presented with the assignment to be the token tasteless female. Now you’re probably wondering: why this bitch? So, here’s a bit about me… I’m a natural redhead, and everything they say is true. I’m fiery, quick-witted, highly sexual—and yes, the carpet matches the drapes. Sometimes I can’t even believe some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. I have absolutely NO filter, and that characteristic gives me so much pride. My point of view is twisted, sour, so not PC, extremely offensive—in other words—tasteless. Often times I say things just to get a rise out of people. Other times, if you can put your pride aside, listen to my point of view and really hear me out, you’ll see that I do in fact have a very valid point, albeit fucked up. But hey, sometimes the truth hurts. I’ve got a million crazy stories under my belt (this time pun definitely not intended) and a million more to come. I never say no to a challenge and I’m constantly seeking an adrenaline rush. Thrills are my pills & I take them on the daily. My words are my weapons, and at the same time, my charm.
My point of view is twisted, sour, so not PC, extremely offensive—in other words—tasteless.
So, on that note, I would like to begin this journey by imparting a disclaimer: All opinions stated by me are my own. They are my offensive 2¢ and I am not speaking on behalf of any of the Tasteless Gentlemen or their affiliates. So, if you get offended by any of my words, please take your wittle dolly and go play outside while us grownups converse. Translation: don’t be a little bitch.