My name is Chelsea Heil, and you best believe I’m a fuckin’ lady. I’ve always had an offensive sense of humor, so naturally, what these tasteless gents are doing is something I can get behind (pun probably intended). Perhaps it’s because I grew up in the country, shooting guns & learning to cuss like my father in the oilfield, or maybe it’s because I drink too much whiskey. But now, at age 28, my tastelessness is at an all-time high. I was absolutely honored when presented with the assignment to be the token tasteless female. Now you’re probably wondering: why this bitch? So, here’s a bit about me… I’m a natural redhead, and everything they say is true. I’m fiery, quick-witted, highly sexual—and yes, the carpet matches the drapes. Sometimes I can’t even believe some of the shit that comes out of my mouth. I have absolutely NO filter, and that characteristic gives me so much pride. My point of view is twisted, sour, so not PC, extremely offensive—in other words—tasteless. Often times I say things just to get a rise out of people. Other times, if you can put your pride aside, listen to my point of view and really hear me out, you’ll see that I do in fact have a very valid point, albeit fucked up. But hey, sometimes the truth hurts. I’ve got a million crazy stories under my belt (this time pun definitely not intended) and a million more to come. I never say no to a challenge and I’m constantly seeking an adrenaline rush. Thrills are my pills & I take them on the daily. My words are my weapons, and at the same time, my charm.
My point of view is twisted, sour, so not PC, extremely offensive—in other words—tasteless.
So, on that note, I would like to begin this journey by imparting a disclaimer: All opinions stated by me are my own. They are my offensive 2¢ and I am not speaking on behalf of any of the Tasteless Gentlemen or their affiliates. So, if you get offended by any of my words, please take your wittle dolly and go play outside while us grownups converse. Translation: don’t be a little bitch.
Love it! Well said, I knew you were something special all the way back to your red lobster days!
Haha, love you Iggz!
What if I’m hung, have a nice body and red hair too?!? Lol…..you seem like you’re gonna fit in perfect. (Pun intended) (( or not lol))
Sounds like you’re a keeper!
Haha duhh!! Finally I’m getting some love.
Hit me up sometime chels!!!
Love this ginger broad already!! Happy hunting and look forward to reading your shit!
Will you marry me? I expect a dowry of 200,000 ducats from your family (and two goats, I’m a prized commodity), you will only be allowed to wear the Slave Leia outfit, you must serve me whiskey every hour on the hour (Irish, neat), and blowjobs every fortnight.
You better bring it hard because this page will destroy you. Good luck , I dont see ya making it
I came here to see your nudes
Where the fuck are they?
Stay tuned. If my popularity rises enough, I’m sure an ex-boyfriend will leak some…
…how in the hell do you have the gall to call yourself an author? You write like a teenager, you would barely pass a GED exam.
You’re right, graduating college with Honors and becoming an editor of a magazine for 4 years is nothing to write home about. But hey, I’m the one blogging for TTG while you’re only appearing in the comments (using improper capitalization), so who’s the real retard? Don’t worry, I’ll wait. 😉
Quick call 911 you just got burned
I’m hung like a hamster, the god is Buddha and its more like angel food cake. However, I can lick my eyebrows and breath through my ears. Marry me, you salty tart!
Not because of any misogynistic bullshit either, but for the mere fact that she thinks women are as strong as she pretends to be. Notice the bold lettering on what women look for in men? She left out money and intelligence like I haven’t been shaming nerds with my conquests since ’97. I’d say 6/10 on your first piece, pick up the slack before Christmas and I’ll get you a gift.
I give this first piece a 5/10. Actually, it’s a 7/10, the 3 point deduction because it’s partially a rant about really stupid shit but otherwise entertaining; the other 2 point deduction you get because you’re a woman and that’s just how the world works. Welcome to TTG 🙂
Haha, well played.
I scrolled all the way down and saw her face. Then I realised why she wants to show everything but her face in the photo at the top. Nice try. You’re highly sexual? Pics or it didn’t happen.
Are you fucking BLIND this chick is hot (no sleaze just stating a fact) and she sounds like a top bird. Fucking moron
I like this article
I like you.
Posting a bikini picture of yourself on an article mocking social media. The hypocrisy is strong with this one. TTG, you could at least have chosen a woman with intellect, not a skanky hoe who behaves exactly like the majority of the female gender.
Admin chooses pics. Writer writes. Loosen your bra hooks, Babette, it’s squeezing putrid bullshit out your every orifice!
Somebody give this chick a microphone. I’m already in love
Did your nails fall off writing that article sugar tits?
I give you 8/10 writing prose, 8/10 hotness.
I have the body of adonis and my package curves slightly upwards.
Let’s see what you’re fucking made of.
tits or gtfo
I prefer C.Heil. Shouting encouraged. German accent a plus. 😉
I, I… Think I love you.
Great Intro. I Agree with you. In reading your comments about instagram “models” I am reminded by a line Dave Chappelle said in one of his stand up’s about approaching women in the club and women being offended. He said (as a woman) “Just because I am dressed this way doesn’t mean I am this way. Yes just because they dress that way doesn’t mean they are that way . But, you’re wearing a whores uniform” It’s the same girls who them want to be taking seriously.
“What these tasteless gents are doing is something I can get behind”, yo pretty sure this means you’re getting behind the dudes…with a strap on…railing their buttholes. Whatever floats your titties, don’t worry I’m not going to kinkshame you kiddo. 😉 #feminism