Your vomit-inducing Facebook comments are ruining the Internet

Your vomit-inducing Facebook comments are ruining the Internet

Life is all about relationships… with family, friends, lovers, pets, enemies, significant others, etc. Without such connections, let’s face it, life would be boring as fuck. And few relationships elicit such excitement as those with a brand-new significant other… the proverbial “honeymoon phase,” if you will. Back in the days when I still had feelings, I recall such scenarios quite well, and with a fondness the likes of what a teenager feels when sharing the tale of touching his first boob. But you know what the best part about new relationships was back then (besides convincing your girlfriend that anal sex was both easy and painless)?

Not bombarding your friends and family with shameless posts about and photos of your “boo,” “bae,” or any other absurd fucking nickname with which you’ve managed to emasculate your “muffin bear.” You’ve met the man of your dreams and need to tell everyone about it; because, God forbid, your new relationship doesn’t get the attention you feel it deserves. Nevermind the fact that you’ve known him for all of 10 days… but that’s none of my business.


When you refuse to shut the fuck up about your stupid relationship, a few things invariably transpire: 1) Your friends, who would otherwise be happy for you if you just didn’t shove your relationship down their throats (like you did to so many cocks before your current dick), will become annoyed and irritated to the point at which they not only delete you from social media, but may also opt to delete you from real life, as well. 2) Constantly posting about being in love and how he’s “the one,” doesn’t make it so. In fact, it reeks of desperation on your part.

Desperation for attention, acceptance and for your friends to be envious of your new “status.” News flash, ladies: they’re not. They’re annoyed as fuck and secretly wish for you to break up so they no longer have to read about or see the lovey-dovey bull shit you post on an hourly basis… Which brings me to my third and final effect of your persistent pathetic posts: 3) When your “#blessed,” “#forever,” “#truelove” relationship comes to its untimely demise (and trust me, it will), you will look like an absolute moron for making all of those posts and claiming he was “#thebest” and “#differentthantherest.”


1 2