I’m not saying there aren’t men in this world who don’t sit on their asses and eat fucking Cheetos all day in their mom’s basement (I mean, look at all of us). I’m sure there are millions of those types everywhere. But for the most part, my male friends and myself actually do shit. You know, we have passions, hobbies, interests, etc. Fuck, I’m shocked if I ever run across a female who says, “Yeah, I love music,” and implies she actually attends live shows as opposed to downloading Lil Yachty’s latest Dr. Seuss-ish musical disaster on her iPhone. If she actually can play a musical instrument, I’m dead where I stand.
“But there are female musicians, asshole!” Of course there are. I never said there weren’t. But I promise you (in fact I’ll guarantee you), whether you’re a male or female reading this article, if you think about your closest friends and consider those involved in the most unique and interesting activities (and yes, I understand the subjectivity of those terms), they’re all men. Now, please note I wrote the word “subjectivity”… When I write “unique and interesting,” I’m not talking about fucking shopping, or laying out, or braiding each other’s pubic hair (whatever the fuck women do when they’re together). I’m speaking of passions and/or activities: music, surfing, art, business, writing, creating, inventing; fuck, contributing on any level beyond, “Um, I’m just sick of doing shit. I just want to meet a millionaire and have him take care of me.” And before you jump down my throat with the argument, “Women don’t say that!”… shut it. I’ve both heard and read nearly identical statements said and written by females in all sorts of contexts.
At the end of the day, if you want to be a plastic baby-factory Stepford wife, by all means, go right ahead. We all have dreams; some are just loftier than others. Just don’t expect anything more from a male partner, and don’t be surprised when you discover he’s cheating on you with his hippie secretary who sings in a local folk band. She can probably talk about more than Starbucks and manicures and lets him fuck her in the ass whenever he wants (and not just on his birthday).
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