N.J. trooper pulled over women to ask them out, covered it up, state says

Marquice Prather was arrested not just for pulling women over to ask them out, but also covering up by turning off any recording apparatus during his efforts. Has this guy not heard of Tinder? Shit, I thought alcoholism was high with cops. Isn’t this guy chasing tail at bars on his nights off? This is why I have no problem when people doubt the veracity of cops. If this guy is pulling women over trying to get blowjobs in exchange for not giving tickets, what other shady shit are they doing?

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Davie County teacher charged with having sex with student

And yet again, another female teacher and sexual predator has been caught sleeping with one of her students. Nice. Good for him. The entire world is applauding this young man and his conquests and not mentioning the fact that women are turning out to be every bit the sexual predators they accuse men of being.

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Uber launches self-driving car fleet in San Francisco, faces DMV backlash

Finally. My prayers have been answered. In the near future I will be able to take an uber right without the forced awkward conversations from an annoying driver. Just shut up and stop asking me stupid personal questions, like ‘where are you from?’ and ‘where are you going?’ and ‘you can’t masturbate in here.’

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Ashley Madison agrees to $1.7 million settlement

Ashley Madison has settled and agreed to pay out 1.7 million to any man who was stupid enough to think he could sign up for a website to cheat on his wife without getting caught. This will help them with a small portion of their legal fees, alimony, and child support they have to pay as a result of this fiasco. This is a case where there are no actual winners here.

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Nightclubs to offer free drug-testing booths to check purity of cocaine and MDMA

What a time to be alive. I wish I had this back in my partying and nightclub days. All those shady dealers slanging that cut bullshit. Now instead of knowing you wasted your money after snorting it, you’ll be able to text him with the results and tell his ass to get back to the club with some real shit. No longer will he be able to use the excuse that you already snorted some so he can’t give you your money back. Now he has to leave his disgusting apartment to head to the club he can’t afford to get into just to replace your 8 ball with some of that good good.

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No Hope for the Human Race: What’s Trending 12/14/16

Davie County teacher charged with having sex with student

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