Dirty News From December 2016

Dirty News From December 2016

Millionaire seeks greater share in divorce because he is a ‘genius’, prompting court to examine the meaning of the word

This guy has some serious cojones.  Not because he’s going after more of the money he earned, but because he’s doing so by claiming his genius.  The fact that this guy is going to walk into a courtroom to prove his genius so he can keep a larger portion of the 140 million he’s worth should mean he won already.  We need more men like this who won’t give in to these gold diggers.  

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VIDEO: Cafeteria brawl breaks out at Central High School in Md.

I really don’t have anything to say about the actual fight itself.  I just want to thank the cameraman who documented the incident for turning their phone horizontally so we could all enjoy the footage properly.  Take note, this is the proper way to film a brawl as opposed to doing anything to stop it.

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Police: Man attempted to take gun selfie in club bathroom, gun went off

Do they still do the Darwin awards?  I know you have to actually die to win (lose) that award, but I still think this guy should be up for it.  Does it surprise anybody it happened in Florida?  Probably not.  My first thought was this guy must be hanging out with Plaxico Burress, but it’s highly unlikely that two people this stupid could know each other.  

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Teacher disciplined after ‘inappropriate’ algebra lesson

His word problem to his students:

“Tony can send 5 texts and 3 nudes in 19 minutes. He could also send 3 texts and 1 nude in 9 minutes. How long would it take him to send one text and one nude?”

What the fuck is wrong with this teacher?  Why would he think that this is a legitimate lesson for middle schoolers?  This problem is clearly way too difficult to solve for a middle schooler.  While he clearly made a poor decision, I have to give him credit for trying to reach these kids with a subject they would understand;  Sending illegal nudes of underaged kids.  

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Tourist stabbed after proposing

I don’t know what to make of this as there aren’t many details to the story.  But here’s what I think happened.  This guy is an expert at sarcasm and told one of his friends that he was going to propose to his girlfriend and to fucking kill him.  His friend, being loyal and trustworthy, did exactly as told and stabbed him in the neck to save him from the rigors of married life.  I’m probably wrong, but I like my version better.  

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