Tasteless News:  Dirty stories of Dec. 29th

Tasteless News: Dirty stories of Dec. 29th

Oklahoma high school student allegedly posed as FBI agent to receive services from prostitutes

This is some bold shit for an 18 year old.  At 18, I was still smoking weed in parks paranoid as fuck a cope was going to catch us.  This guy is online trying to demand prostitutes perform all kinds of sexual acts on him just so he won’t arrest them.  Sounds like it’s not too far off from actual law enforcement.  It’s too bad he was caught so young.  Sounds like he would have had some amazing adventures of the years.  

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Creator of the Red Solo Cup dies at 84

Out of all the celebrity deaths in 2016, this one is the most tragic.  I owe so many great college nights to this man right here.  I can’t even count all the times I’ve been laid because of massive amounts of alcohol consumed in these cups.  Not to mention beer pong and flip cups games.  Most of what I remember and don’t remember in college involves the famous red solo cup.

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You will have to wait for a second longer than usual to welcome 2017

Just when you thought it was all almost over, 2016 adds one more second to your suffering.  2016 is like a Shakespearean tragedy where everybody dies and at the end there will be one person to reflect on how fucked up things were.  While we joke around about 2017 being better, there’s no doubt in my mind we’ll be ending it on the same note as 2016 as Trump is explaining that plants crave electrolytes.  

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Teen wearing shark repelling band gets attacked by shark

I didn’t know it was possible to be this stupid.  Anybody who buys a magnetic wristband that claims to repel sharks deserves to be bitten by one.   Sharks are apex predators that bite things just to see if it’s worth eating.  Do you really think a magnet is going to stop this fucking thing?  A period doesn’t stop me from fucking and a magnet isn’t  going to stop a shark from biting.  

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