When they beat the Pirates for the one game playoff, I started considering the proper dildo size for a newbie. While I was getting more nervous, I thought there was no way they would beat the Cardinals. Yup, the beat the fucking Cardinals. Now I was debating how much of the dildo I needed to insert to complete the bet. Obviously just the tip would do, right?
But then, the team of destiny met the New York Mets and with each inning it became very clear that the Cubs were not the team of destiny. Just like the hoverboard, self drying clothes, and flying cars, the Cubs winning the world series was only fiction. The Mets swept the Cubs and my asshole is safe for another year.
I have officially learned my lesson. Even though I haven’t lost one of these outlandish bets, yet, a day will come when I do. I can’t control the shit that flies out of my mouth when intoxicated but I can assure you I will do my best to not ruin myself with another horrible bet.
There is still one more season left on my bet, so I hope you all do as I do and root against the Cubs.
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