“If you’re looking for sympathy you’ll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” – David Sedaris
What is the biggest turn off? Hiking for the win. I know you’re trying to portray yourself as outdoorsy and adventurous but when all your photos are of you in the pseudo wilderness of hiking trails all I can hope for is a 127 hour fate.
That Marla Hooch photo of you five miles away in the shade under a tree has me as hard as a sloppy joe. When I think of sexy, I think of a dusty and sweaty vagina that just trekked 4 miles in the hot august sun. I can’t wait for you to sit on my face so I can get a fresh taste of mother earth and anthrax. I’d rather get a blowjob from a dust storm than your dehydrated cotton mouth. If I didn’t swipe right on everybody without looking, I’d swipe left on you.
It’s not just unattractive. It’s lame. You’re not a survivalist. You’re not going on some incredible journey into the deep wilderness. You’re going along well traversed hiking trails. Five miles on a hiking trail is safer than five blocks in East Oakland. What would happen if you were to encounter any real trouble? I doubt you would be going full Bear Grylls and trapping rabbits with shoelaces and drinking piss out of snakeskin. So what value does your hiking bring to a relationship? It tells me you like to go on long and difficult walks.