There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don’t smoke to excess. Second, don’t drink to excess. Third, don’t marry to excess. – Mark Twain
The internet is riddled with whoreable (pun intended) dating advice for women and by women. Dating advice from women holds as much value as wishes and dreams. At this point you’re thinking to yourself that wishes and dreams are a good thing. To that I would say, wish in one hand and crap in the other, see which one fills up first.
Yesterday, an old high school friend posted one of these dating advice articles to Facebook and tagged one of her friends saying it is exactly what they were talking about the other day. I took that article apart point by point to show just how horrible the advice is.
Stay single until you meet a guy who opens every door you walk through.
I don’t even know what this means. There are serial killers that could open every door for you..including the last one you ever walk through. How does this hold any value that actually translates into a man being a good person? Do you want a doorman or boyfriend?
Stay single until you meet a guy who makes sure you walk on the inside of the sidewalk away from the street.
If this thought actually crosses a woman’s mind when it comes to dating, run for the hills. If this thought crosses a man’s mind when it comes to dating, run for the hills. This isn’t an act of chivalry, it’s an example of paranoid and neurotic behavior. They should be fitted for a straight jacket and not a wedding ring.
The guy who holds your hand shamelessly and will kiss you in public.
I did this last weekend with an ugly fat girl after I floated my liver with beer and whiskey for 48 hours straight. Nobody wants to see you suck face like it’s an 8th grade dance. Also, if you need to be touched and shown affection so often you can’t get a cup of coffee without his coffee breath and sweaty palms all over you, you have other issues. I have no problem with a respectable amount of PDA, but if you make it a priority, enjoy your cats.
Stay single until you meet a guy who wants to bring you home to his parents.
Why would I bring you home to meet my parents if we aren’t dating? This might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. I have a Jewish mother which means if I had my druthers, I’d avoid introducing you to my parents until after our first wedding anniversary. News flash to all the women taking horrible advice like this: You have to move from single to a relationship, then to a serious relationship before he’s taking you home to mom and pop.
Stay single until you meet the guy whose friend’s already know about before you meet them.
Just be happy if my friends know your name and you’re meeting them in the first place. Guys don’t go into great detail about the women they date when talking with their friends. Booty calls and hook ups don’t get to meet the friends the same way a girlfriend does, so if you get to meet my friends, that’s the only good sign you should look f0r.
Stay single until you meet the guy who will drop whatever to be wherever you need him.
This is circumstantial. If you just got in a car accident and you’re headed to the hospital, then yes I’m on my way. But if I’m busy with work or even just a hobby and you need me to drop what I’m doing because Becky in accounting was mean to you, I’m sorry I can’t make it. Be realistic. I’m not your personal assistant and I need to live my own life.
The guy who says, “text me when you’re home safe,” and stays up until he knows you are.
I can say a lot of meaningless things like ‘I’ll call you tomorrow.’ Telling someone to text you when they get home safe is just like saying ‘drive safe.’ It means absolutely nothing. Besides, I’m not waiting up for you to text, I’m still awake because I had to rub one out after that trash pussy.
Stay single until you meet the guy you’d proudly introduce to your father.
Again, you need to actually be in the relationship before getting to that point, Not to mention that many presentable men who women have been thrilled about introducing to their parents ended up cheating on them. Having a good job and being socially adept has nothing to do with quality of character. What you are describing is the perfect fit for a sociopath. They pass this test with flying colors.
The one who doesn’t try and change you.
How insufferable are you? This is what women say when they never want to change for a guy, and they think he’s trying to change them. Pliability is part of being in a relationship. Just because I’m in a relationship and I can’t get wasted and go to strip clubs every Friday and Saturday night, doesn’t mean she’s trying to change me. Maybe you should look into adjusting who you are a little to accommodate this guy who has to put up with you.
The guy who always texts back no questions asked.
I can’t continue to have conversations via text throughout the day. I’m trying to work. A text should be for exchanging information and not meaningless conversations. Want to know what time I’m off? You’ll get an answer. What me to make dinner reservations? You’ll get an answer. If you text me to tell me how sunny it is outside, and I don’t respond, it’s because I have shit to do and you can take that small talk to the Starbucks barista.
Stay single until you meet a guy who doesn’t have time for games and is brutally honest always.
Brutal honesty? Sure, you complain too much, you rarely give head and when you do, you give up after one minute. Your friends are horrible people and I’m tired of hearing your work stories. You sure this is the guy you want to be with? There are dividing lines when it comes to honesty with a significant other. You don’t want brutal honesty, you want a guy who doesn’t cheat on you. Just say it.
Stay single until you meet the guy pays out of respect for you and doesn’t let you touch your wallet.
Seriously? I pay for dinner and drinks for women I’m mildly attracted to and just want to sleep with. I don’t let them touch their wallets either. A guy paying has nothing to do with his intentions or his character.
The one who knows when to apologize when he’s wrong.
Sure, I’ll apologize when I’m wrong. Most people will. But when you constantly pick fights and seek things to get upset about, I’ll just turn out like Tim the Tool Man Taylor and start saying sorry every morning just to get it over with. Don’t’ be so insufferable that he says sorry just to shut you up.
The guys who sends sweet texts in the middle of the meeting he knows you’re stressing over.
So, you want him distracting you when you should be focused on work? Shut your damn phone off and pay attention to the task at hand. No wonder you’re stressed out, you spend more time worrying about things a guy will do for you during important events in your life, then you do actually performing during those events.
Stay single until you meet the guy who makes you want to be a better woman.
The one who motivates you to achieve more and be better.
Didn’t you say to avoid a guy who wants to change you?
Stay single until you meet a guy who is sure of you and never makes you doubt how he feels.
Life is full of uncertainty and doubts so if he’s a little unsure at times, that’s completely understandable. In fact, it’s a healthy way to work through any problems or issues he might have with either you or himself. You want a Hollywood rom-com, not a boyfriend.
Stay single until you meet the guy who makes you feel more beautiful just standing beside him.
Isn’t that what your designated fat ugly friend is for? How can a guy standing beside you make you feel more beautiful? Sounds like that’s something that happens internally based on your emotions and mental state. Sounds like a ‘you’ problem and has nothing to do with the guy who stands beside you.