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Tasteless News: Holiday weekend edition


Popular bar in Brooklyn raises drinking age to 25 because young people are annoying

 

The only bad part about this is you can’t bring home some young and impressionable 21 year old who loves anal.  Other than that, I fully support this.  Living in a city with 3 colleges within a few miles of each other means certain bars are college bars at times.  If you show up to one of these bars on a taco Tuesday, you’ll end up seeing a bunch of women falling all over the place and a bunch of guys plotting and scheming for a gang bang.  I never thought I’d be the old guy annoyed by the younger crowd, but at 30 it’s happened. I need real drinkers around me, not amateurs.  

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Charged a Fee for Getting Arrested, Whether Guilty or Not

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Just some more news from the government endorsed shakedown service.  Be careful when you’re out drinking.  If you get thrown in the drunk tank for some stupid reason, they take the money out of your wallet to charge you for a night’s stay.  People are scared of getting mugged or attacked late at night but the real thieves are the ones wearing badges and telling you you’ve had too much to drink.  The cops have more surcharges than a damn hotel.  Can I at least get free wifi while I’m puking my guts out in your drunk tank?

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City approves home delivery for weed

This is every stoner’s dream.  Can they deliver pizza with that as well?  Hardcore stoners are more annoying than vegans so anything that keeps them in their homes I can get behind.  Portland is on the forefront of all things hipster/stoner and I’m hoping that they all start to migrate there and seek permanent residence so the rest of us don’t have to deal with them on a regular basis.  For the guy who indulges themselves occasionally, this is good as well.  Now you don’t have to sit around and talk to some weird dealer who has lawn furniture in his living room just to get a sack.

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Video: Officer tases 91-year-old at nursing home

Blue lives matter.  This guy was resisting.  You don’t know what kind of danger he was in.  This 91 year old man has been through world wars, a great depression, the east coast west coast rap war.  He was a tough son of a bitch and the cop obviously couldn’t handle him on his own.  Is there really any reason to taser a man who can’t control himself from shitting his pants on a daily basis?  Next time the old man should listen….even though he’s probably deaf and senile.  

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Christmas service accidentally prints words to Tupac’s ‘Hail Mary’ instead of carol

I really wish I opened my door to some carolers this year and instead of kicking them to the curb as I normally would, let them sing.  As they opened up their song book and began to sing Hail Mary by Tupac, I would join in right away as they in shock sang the opening words “I ain’t a killer but don’t push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy.”  Merry Christmas.  I only wish Tupac lived long enough to turn mainstream and make his own Christmas album.  For now, Hail Mary will do as my new official Christmas song.  

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