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Tasteless News:  Dirty stories from Jan 9th

Tasteless News: Dirty stories from Jan 9th

Exclusive: Video of terrifying moment axe-carrying woman attacks two customers in suburban 7-Eleven

This is the craziest shit I’ve seen in awhile and I’m glad it’s not from the United States.  This chick goes on an axe rampage in a 7/11 for what looks like no reason at all. The guy gets hacked in the face, living out one of my greatest fears that some psycho ex of mine decides to stalk me with an axe and begin hacking away with pure joy. I think deep down, all women are capable of this kind of insanity, which is why us man always need to be careful when it comes to the warning signs.  

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Planned Parenthood Partnership Provides Free Birth Control

 

Christians may not agree with me, but I think Planned Parenthood is doing God’s work.  If it weren’t for Planned Parenthood, I’d have a slew of illegitimate children running around all parts of the world.  They’re always there when you need them, like when you drunkenly hook up with your ex and she needs to quickly get back on birth control.  My neighborhood is filled with so much alcohol and fucking they even have a Planned Parenthood express.  Gets your birth control and condoms in the drive through.  I think we can all agree that it’s a good thing to have them nearby.

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Teenage criminals should be fitted with wifi jammers rather than going to prison, top cop suggests

This is the realist punishment I’ve ever heard of.  Even though they could plug in directly to the internet like it was 2000, none of their friends would want to hangout with them because they’d be blocking all the wifi in the room.  This is how you really test your friendship.  I don’t care how fond I am of an individual, if they’re blocking my access to the internet, they’re no longer a friend of mine.  I have a business to run and fuckery to spread across the interwebs and I don’t need to use up all my data because my friend did something illegal online.  

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