“That is how you get to be a writer, incidentally: you feel somehow marginal, somehow slightly off-balance all the time.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
Today, I’m three months shy of 31, and while I’m well into adulthood I’m far from grown up. Throughout my 31 years I’ve dabbled in both short term flings and long term relationships, more the former than the latter, and I’ve found that both have their benefits and their headaches. But which one is better? I’ll try my best for objectivity but all observations are filtered through my fucked up mind.
Fling pros (5):
1. Fun: Flings are flat out fun. Everything is more carefree and there tends to be a lot of booze and spontaneity. There’s also a lot of passion swirling beneath the fact that you’re both trying to play coy as if neither one of you is considering the fact that an actual relationship between the two of you might be a good thing.
2. Less emotional baggage: Because a fling is always new and fleeting in nature, all emotional baggage is checked at the curb. This means that I don’t have to spend my time sorting through psychotic inner workings of a woman’s head. There are also fewer arguments because there is no official relationship, you can’t really get mad at anything.
3. More action: I’m not sure if any of you are aware of this, but at the start of any relationship there is always more sexual activity, and not just in the bedroom, but anywhere you see fit. Unlike in relationships, which slow down when routine sets in, you can keep this activity in perpetual motion by going from fling to fling.
4. Less commitment: I’m not talking about monogamy (I’ll touch on that next) I’m talking about the commitment a relationship requires. When you’re in a relationship, you have to go to every single stupid gathering your girlfriend can conjure up. Co worker’s baby shower, friend she barely talks to birthday party, friend of a friend co worker’s BBQ, you get the picture. Flings allow you to pick and choose if you want to go to any of these events by simply saying yes or no. I can avoid her work Holiday party because it’s 30 minutes away and I don’t feel like going and I can make her friend’s BBQ because it’s right down the street. Convenience is key.
5. No monogamy: This is really optional. There are some flings where I stay committed to the fling because I like her and while I know it’s not a real relationship, I still know it would upset her. If it’s a more physical fling, it keeps the door open for one night stands. It’s like having the option between a nice home cooked meal, but also being able to go hunting on the weekends. On top of that, I can keep my options open and keep a pipeline of future flings since there’s no girlfriend to go through my text messages and Facebook to make sure I’m not talking to any woman other than my mother.