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A Guide to Offending Liberals and Conservatives

A Guide to Offending Liberals and Conservatives

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Most ignorance is vincible ignorance. We don’t know because we don’t want to know.

– Aldous Huxley


If you’re reading this and the only thing rattling around in your head is that only liberals get offended, you’re probably an easily offended conservative.  Yes, liberals are easily offended.  People as a whole are easily offended.  There is one necessity to good comedy and that is the ability to make fun of yourself first and foremost.  If you can’t do that, your humor comes off as mean spirited.  We all had that friend in high school who would make fun of everybody but when it was his turn to be roasted, he would lose his shit.  Eventually, nobody wanted to hang out with him anymore.  

That being said, let’s start with the liberals.  Has there ever been a more annoying group of whiny cunts that have to butt their kale filled heads into every issue?  If they hear you talking about dark chocolate they’ll be sure to jump in the conversation and make sure you call it African American chocolate or urban chocolate.  


If you make any sort of joke about any minority group, African Americans, Mexicans, Asians, mentally disabled etc, a liberal will be sure to tell you how awful of a person you are.  To make matters worse, they never seem to be a member of the actual group the joke was about.  The irony is how insulting it is to stick up for a group that never asked for your help.  I’m a Jew and I make Jewish jokes, yet I repeatedly get told by non Jews that it’s unacceptable. Nothing creates an awkward silence like letting them know they’re telling a Jew how he’s supposed to feel about something.  

They’re also like the hippie English majors I went to college with who would read too far into every sentence.  In every class there was always somebody who could find antisemitism in everything and another who could find sexism in everything.  There could be a paragraph about a guy fucking a hole in the ground (See the novel Friday) and one woman will talk about how it represents mother earth and women as objects instead of people.  Then a guy will explain how it represents the rooting out of Jews in Nazi Germany.  These people will seek out any reason to be offended.  If you exhale they’ll compare you to Hitler, who also exhaled.


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